Wednesday, 29 January 2014

Morning moan

May the little baby Jesus and all his chums forgive me for what I'm about to say.

I find my children (16-year-old  boy/girl twins)  really annoying in the morning.

For example, today

7:14 deep comfy sleep in which I am dreaming of achieving a 300% speed boost on a vintage Pentium computer
7:15 sleep shattered by a town-crier standing outside my bedroom and delivering a double whammy of the style so beloved of this family. In this case, 1. time to get up mum 2. oh hey my phone is still not working.

I throw a dressing gown on and stumble downstairs to face the challenge of a new day.

Specific challenges this morning include:

  • staring at John's phone and wildly promising to remove rain from the inside so that it will work
  • removing entitled texting girl from my special chair in the kitchen
  • filling in a long explanatory note in the one-inch square area provided in a Highdown planner
  • listening to a complicated description of the struggles to find a suitable venue for the Highdown prom
  • receiving a briefing on the ways in which I have recently failed in my parental duties
  • getting the milk out the fridge and finding that it now contains 0.5ml of milk
  • listening to explanation of why milk carton is to all intents and purposes empty. Explanation delivered with the skill of a professional lawyer and I am somehow forced to admit guilt.
  • Answering enquiries as to the location of various items, although I don't even know what some of these things are.
This section of the morning ends with a double hellish crash of the front door. But I still have the dog-staring to get through. This is when the dogs stand stock still and fix me with deep tragic unblinking stares. Ted the collie has always done this, it's a collie thing. Remarkably he has taught Pablo, the terrier-style thing, to do it too. In the end I break down weeping and give them some food. 

8:30. Downstairs for another's days computer fixing.

This moan goes out to all the parents and dog-owners who are attempting to perform some kind of job or life independent of their hangers-on.

One day, we'll get our revenge.

Monday, 27 January 2014

Customer of the month: Morningwood Ltd.

We fix the computers
That carry the emails
That organise the cranes
That lift huge lumps of concrete into the sky
And carefully lower them into position in Cranford House School's new Sports Hall.

I love going out on site for Morningwood Ltd. They are always building something amazing. A bunch of nice guys who wear luminous jackets, make diabolical coffee and throw a wobbler when their email goes down.

Thanks Dan, Adam, Mark and all the team!

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