Sunday, 12 May 2013

Tech tips: Removing someone from your smartphone

In the immortal words of someone or other on a single I had in the 80s: if you live you're going to feel the pain.

For example: maybe you drove 41 miles in the small hours, just to give someone a nice surprise. And then when you got there you found they were sleeping with someone else. Then, obviously, you drove 41 miles back home.

There are almost as many ways of causing pain as there are people. However, coping mechanisms are more limited.

When it comes to coping, my personal favourite is the "Bridget Jones" technique. Down a bottle of wine or two and sing motivational songs written by P!nk.

But watch out! There is a danger lurking! After a few swigs you may be unable to resist trying to communicate with your object of contempt.

In the old days, removing that temptation was easy. You just scribbled out their number really hard in your address book. Today, the age of the smartphone, it is more complicated. If you have known them a while they will be all over your phone like a virus.

Cleansing is possible though if you memorise the following routine: texts - logs - voicemail - contact. I recommend performing this routine before even unscrewing the first bottle.

Texts: on modern phones text messages are conveniently arranged into conversations. Find your ex-friend's conversation, click on the dustbin, tick the top box which selects all the messages and voila! Weeks of lies and evasion gone in the blink of an eye.

Logs: logs are sneakier, They are a record, with phone numbers, of everything that's happened on your phone. If you don't know how to get to your log, then don't worry, you're safe. If you do, view the log and press the thing that makes a menu come up. It will have an option to Delete. This will delete every event of course, not just your deluded interactions with the person in question. Take this opportunity to make a fresh start.

Voicemails: This takes a bit more nerve. Play back your messages and as soon as you hear their whingy voice fire up, press 3 to delete.

Contact: This is more pleasing. Find them in your address book and delete them, perhaps uttering the words "Goodbye, you worthless waste of space"

Stay vigilant during the binge. Fresh texts may arrive. You need to make it an automatic reaction. Delete-the-text-delete-the-log. Ideally you shouldn't even read it, but hey! you're only human.

(With grateful thanks to my supportive 15 year old daughter who stayed in to watch a quite boring film with me, and cheered me up so much that I didn't even drink much anyway)


  1. Previous commenter: TLDR (too long didn't read)

  2. well we still love you Helen Rice, the super mid surdu player - and as we have grasped the new brain training tune you don't have to let the buggers grind you down !! You are much more than them sallyxxx

  3. Honestly, if such a miserable dastard cannot fathom and respect what a wonderfully smart, funny, sexy star you are then they deserve the old smack of a cold fish on the chops, to be followed by a slow crawl back under the rock from whence they exuded. Good riddance, sirrah!


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