Saturday, 29 December 2012

Vintage Printer, I love you

Behold, the proud majesty of the HP OfficeJet G85.

You see how, if you stare long enough at it, it's got a face! And it's smiling! But not in a cheeky facile way. Oh no. This printer oozes serenity and class.

Funny story really. A nice lady phoned and asked if I wanted her old printer. I glanced over at my leaning tower of old printers and while my head said "Uh no, not even" in a sarcastic transatlantic teen tone, my mouth shot off on its own, as it so often does, and said "Oh thank you! That would be lovely!". Well - she sounded really nice.

So I drove off to get it in the itsgonefunny van. I'm sorry to say that it rather embarrassed itself when I carried it from its house to my van, and soiled my fingers with ink. You now need to know that it weighs 33lbs and it is hard to park within commuting distance of my home and workshop  It lived in the back of the van for several weeks,  along with a plastic wine glass and a neglected hairbrush, no doubt a bitter reminder of better times.

Then I parked the van rather close to a tree. IN a tree, some might say. This squashed the campervan roof into a bizarre and frightening shape, though on the plus side the van is now slightly better streamlined. As I had to take the van to an accident repair shop, the printer came to live in my dining room, where it squatted self-consciously in a corner. Eventually some shoes settled on it and built their nest there.

But this was not to be a permanent arrangement. My mum and dad were coming for Christmas dinner and I had to clear the dining room. My 15 year old son manfully hoisted the printer up the stairs to a room I blithely refer to as "The Stock Room".

It stayed there less than a week. I made the error of watching "The Hoarder Next Door" on 4OD. In this programme, hoarders have lots of rooms where the doors won't open because the rooms are stuffed to the gunwales with miscellaneous things. Rooms like "The Stock Room" in fact.

Once again, I vowed to become a different person from who I actually am, and to start this process by clearing out "The Stock Room".  The only possible clearance strategy was Last In, First Out. So the printer came down 2 flights of stairs to the workshop.

My plan was to plug it in and try it out, then give it away via Freegle. (Do you Freegle? You should. You can get rid of your clutter and replace it with someone else's clutter).

I plugged it in and it leapt into life, asking me questions and issuing commands I did not fully comprehend, oh you know how printers are. Set options? Check cartridge! Scanner is missing. I jabbed at the massive control panel, enabling who-knows-what features.

It settled down with a bland "Out of paper. Load paper". Simple, surely, to a woman of my experience?  But not so. The obvious loading bay is those perky lateral ears, alert and ready at the back. I nervously laid some paper sideways there. But still, it complained, "Out of paper. Load paper".

I Googled and found out that you put paper in the bottom. So I did that.

The next thing that happened is amazing. I don't know what made me do it but I pressed COPY. The paper I had rested on the ears up top was sucked through the scanner bit and flew out the front.

It scanned a multiple page document. The results were somewhat underwhelming since I was scanning blank paper and the black cartridge has run out anyway. It's the principle of the thing though.

So now I don't know know what to do. I am the owner of an amazingly cool device that I don't have room for. Give it away? Or sack someone to make space for it?

What do YOU think?

Monday, 24 December 2012

Christmas Newsletter from itsgonefunny

Seasons Greetings!

Here at we are taking the time to reinforce the very personal bond we have with you and share the news about how brilliant we are.

So Happy Christmas [insert name here] and your [children/business/pets/misc - delete where applicable]

We care very much about the environment and have opted not to send you a glossy Christmas Card or indeed chocolates or champagne. These things have unseemly carbon footprints. Instead, we have chosen to pollute the information highway with our inspirational thoughts.

Following a sudden investment by +Theo Paphitis off of Dragon's Den in February (over 10 billion pounds) we were able to expand by opening over seven thousand new branches, including three in the "difficult to crack" commercial territory of Easter Island.

Imagine our surprise in April when we received a phone call from The International Space Station requesting assistance. They had forgotten the password to the airlock and Russian cosmonaut Aleksandr Pavlovich Aleksandrov  was angrily banging on the side of the rocket trying to get back in! Although they were running Linux, we were able to hack the password using remote assistance and save the day. Luckily we are all fluent in 250 languages!

It has been good year for Britain's only support collie, Ted. He has come on in leaps and bounds. He remains, like me, better at software than hardware. This is due, in part, to the difficulty he has holding a screwdriver. As an equal opportunities employer we are looking for a way of accommodating this physical limitation and Jon is currently developing a "robot paw" module to help him out.

I could go on and on and on and on.... but let's leave it there for now.

Wishing you an amazing Christmas and a wildly successful 2013.

Helen, Andy, James, Jon, Dan and a big woof from Ted

Friday, 19 October 2012

Customer of the week: Jola Kilroy

Another business customer this week. Only about a third of my customers run businesses, but they tend to be keener to get on the web than normal people. Even so, I will attempt to cajole a shy home user into the light for next week's entry.

So this week we have Jola Kilroy, the Queen of Caversham and the owner of three hair salons: JK Barbers on Prospect Street, Hair Studio on Hemdean Road and Village Barbers in Sonning Common.

Beautiful,smart, funny and outrageous, she has not a clue how to operate a computer. In case you think I exaggerate, here is one of our first computer encounters.

HELEN: You need to move the mouse Jola.
JOLA: (peers at screen) What mouse?

In spite of this technical knowhow deficit, Jola envisaged something that computers might be able to do for her. She wanted to be able to see what was going on in her other salons without driving there. This was only just barely possible when she first thought of it.

And this week her vision came to pass. It has taken:

  • 3 years
  • 13 assorted cameras
  • 5 mixed DVRs
  • 10 badly translated and incomprehensible manuals
  • 40 hours of research
  • 5 desktops and 2 laptops
  • 5 internet connections
  • 30 visits to the salons to figure out why various camera systems have stopped streaming
  • 8 hours of phone calls to internet providers with the other end having no idea what we were talking about
  • Jola's dogged determination to keep us at it, and our refusal to give up and simply leave the country
It has been a big project, but all worth it when I see Jola on her laptop, yes! moving the mouse! and clicking between live video streams from the three salons. If you play the video you can hear how chuffed Jola is.

Incidentally, technology has moved on loads since we started this project and we at have learned a lot. The chances are we could set you up with a similar system a lot quicker!

By the way -  I know the video plays twice, the second time silently. I have no idea why this is. I've been on a learning curve doing things I only dimly understand. Twenty-seven years in the trade and I can still be baffled by computers.

Thursday, 18 October 2012

Puzzle: are you a natural computer repairer?

What is wrong with the laptop in the picture?
For bonus points: whose job is it to fix it?

Sunday, 14 October 2012

Business Startups: Avoid the Vanity Business

Vanity Publishing: This is when you pay to have your book published because no publisher believes strongly enough in the commercial potential of your book to cover the costs.

Vanity Business: This is when you run a business that is not profitable.

There are lots of benefits in owning  a Vanity Business. The main one is that you appear successful and expert to your friends and family. You get to boss people about and shake hands on equal terms with lovely people who run Proper Businesses. You can have serious discussions about Marketing Budgets. You can bandy about the words: develop, growth, entrepreneurial. You can be suddenly generous with your time and resources and cry that you have the best customer service in town. You can give jobs to people that would not otherwise have jobs and love yourself for it. All of these fun things are underpinned by the sneakiest of the Seven Deadly Sins: Pride.

The only problem with the Vanity Business is that it is not viable unless you are already rich. If you are going to make like Marie Antoinette, then you better have the funding of Marie Antoinette.

This morning I came down from Cloud Cuckoo Land for long enough to face the fact that may be a vanity business. Last week, my and my team worked consistently hard. Customers came in with their broken computers and left smiling with their fixed computers. Several mentioned that we were wonderful and one bought me a bottle of Prosecco and some beer for the lads. I won't bore you with the figures, but our income was 50% of our expenses.

This was not a freaky week. It was a typical week.

Six people are reliant on I mean reliant in the sense that if the business fails they may have insufficient food. Four are employees and two are my children.Oh hang on! There's a seventh person! Tch! I forgot about me!

A thing I hear a lot is that I must be doing all right if I've survived 6 years of economic difficulty. I always love to hear this and generally I smile and admit that it must be so. It was only in the early hours of this morning that it hit me. A profit of £0 is easy to maintain even during years of dark recession.

If you want to start a new business, watch out for that pride. The following categories of entrepreneur need to be extra careful:

  • women who are used to trying to make everyone happy at their own expense
  • parents who view everybody as their children and needful of their selfless aid
  • people who grew up in non-commercial families. In my own family, we discussed the books we had read and explored new ways of calculating the area under graphs and were slightly appalled and embarrassed by the very existence of money.
Oh my business-starting friends! Learn from my mistakes! 

And Oh Dear Me! Maybe I can learn too....

Saturday, 13 October 2012

Customer of the Week: Celebration Cakes

It's almost enough to make me get married
How can I choose between my customers? They're all like children to me. But someone has to be the first Customer of the Week so why not Celebration Cakes, those purveyors of exquisitely beautiful and outrageously delicious.. errrmm... Celebration Cakes.

They started out in business about the same time I did and together we have weathered the six recessionary years, working ever harder for ever more people, emerging today not noticeably richer but very much still here.

Their customer file with makes a "whoomph" noise when I drop it on the floor. They have always entertained, puzzled and alarmed me and my team with their computer problems. The desktop that made a noise like a washing machine on spin? That was them. The largest Outlook file in the world? Uhuh - them. The narcoleptic network attached storage device. It belonged to Celebration Cakes.

Celebration Cakes is run by Robin and Catherine Scott of Caversham Park Village.

One of Robin's talents is being irascible though he can also make a decent fist of curmudgeonly.  Your first reaction to one of his rants is to stare open-mouthed. But your second reaction is to laugh. Because he is really funny. Please don't tell him I said that. It is important that he doesn't find out.

And Catherine? She's a sort of cake-designing, spreadsheet-developing over-worked angel. An angel who will never never delete a single email. Ever.

Hats off to the cakers from up the road! And thank you very much, guys xx

Robin's army training comes in handy for his rush hour computer drop.

Sunday, 7 October 2012

County Bingo - new counties! New players!

Jackie and Jules have entered the game! Is four people too few to claim it's gone viral..?

Updated list of  Missing Counties
I took out Bristol, London and Manchester on the grounds that they're not really counties

County Durham
East Riding of Yorkshire
Isle of Wight
North Yorkshire
South Yorkshire
Tyne and Wear
West Midlands

County Bingo - New County - Berkshire


At last! Berkshire!

County Bingo becomes an extreme sport when I visit Sonning to  bag my home county. I had to enter a bush very close to an endless stream of traffic and shout "Could you do me a favour?" at people on the other side of the road. Luckily some very nice people did.

The rules of County Bingo are explained here. Anyone can play. Cmon!

Thursday, 4 October 2012

Computer repair/having a bath/living over the shop conflict

  1. I'll just get my bath running
  2. I wonder if that data recovery from the corrupt SSD has turned up anything?
  3. Yes! David's documents are turning up! I'm copying them to the NAS right now...
  4. .....minutes pass....
  5. Oh! I was running a bath

 6. For once fate smiles at me

Sunday, 30 September 2012

Wo! Met Office! Suddenly you're cool!

Reading, only more beautiful..
Long term followers of the blog will remember that we got obsessed with the Met Office website once before, during the snow excitement of Winter 2010.( Go red for Pete's Sake!). 

Indeed aren't all we Britishers passionate about trying to guess what the weather will do next?  Else how would we ever get our washing dry? 

I've been trying to get a decent weather forecast on my Samsung Galaxy since I got it. PC and Mac users are laughing, they can just go to The Met Office Website , type in their location and voila! The forecast has improved visually beyond measure since the dark days of Snow Fever. Whether it has improved in accuracy I cannot say. 

You can, in theory, access this same website using your Smart Phone. However the writing comes up so tiny that it is impossible to make any kind of informed choice. Stabbing at the screen makes you feel like a giant trying to do lace-making. After ten minutes of this thankless activity I moaned, maybe even keened, "They need to write an app!"

And they have! They hadn't before! And now they have!

Scene: Early 2012. A dark and cobwebby office at the Met Office headquarters. Besuited clever gentlemen doze gently round a mahogany desk. The most important looking gentleman speaks

HEAD BLOKE: I notice our daily forecasts that we type out and photocopy are less popular then they once were. Apparently people want to use advanced electrical typewriters to read forecasts. It's called the interwebpage or something - anyone heard of this?

Vigorous shaking of heads. Quietly a young member of staff raises his hand. He is nervous as he was only invited to the meeting to audit the biscuits.

JUNIOR: Sir, they are using apps. They work on modern telephones.

HEAD BLOKE: Apps eh? We certainly app-reciate your insight! (laughter) Tell me young'un, can you make one of these "apps"

JUNIOR: I think so, sir..

And he did. It is beautiful. Download it for free, today. 

(I reserve the film rights to this story)

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Avoid the Java exploit virus

I promised to tell you how to update the Java on your computer so that you don't catch one of the latest Java exploit viruses.

This method explains what to do on Windows computers. For my geekier friends, I'll explain why later. For now I'll just explain how. Then you can get a cup of tea and read the science if you like (haven't written it quite yet!).

Start by clicking on the Start thing in the bottom left of your screen. On older computers the Start thing will be a smart green rectangle, helpfully marked "Start". On newer computers, it is a magical looking circle. Anyway. Chances are it's in the bottom left corner.

Up pops a menu. You are trying to get to the Control Panel. It should be on the right hand side about halfway down. On really old computers you will have to click on Settings.. first. Well done for keeping the old jalopy going so long.

When you click on Control Panel you will be faced with a list of things you can Control. It could be that your journey is over now .. is there an icon marked Java in the list? Yes? Brilliant.

If you don't see the Java icon you can get to it by:
  • (XP) clicking on "Switch to Classic View"
  • or (Vista)  clicking on "Classic View"
  • or (Windows 7) clicking on "Programs"
Double-click on the Java icon.
Ta-dah! You've invoked the Java control panel.

Now all you need to do is click on where it says "Update". And then on the button that says "Update Now".

Some amount of chuntering will occur before you are asked whether it is OK to install something. On this occasion please say "Yes".

Job done. 

Sunday, 23 September 2012

Garmin develops bad attitude

I took a break from virus hunting yesterday to go for a walk. I found a lovely walk on The Chilterns AONB site and set off for Christmas Common in the van. The Garmin Sat Nav seemed confident it knew where it was and off we went.

This looks more viable in the photo than it did in real life
On the left is a picture of Hollandridge Lane. It is a restricted byway which runs for 3 miles between Stonor and Christmas Common. Incidentally, it is a Saxon sunken lane.

So I'm not saying it's not interesting. I'm just questioning whether it is really the most efficient route to Christmas Common in an ancient and tall campervan.

"Turn RIGHT on Hollandridge Lane" the Garmin said very firmly as we approached the Stonor  end of this rutted track.
I obediently put on my winker, but rebelled when I saw what it meant. "No!" I replied "It's a footpath!".
I now had no clue how to get Christmas Common. It soon became clear that the Garmin wasn't letting go of its original plan. It suggested I did a "sharp left" down other footpaths so we could bump through the woods and arrive again at the Stonor end of Hollandridge Lane, minus some bodywork.

After I refused several of these suggestions, the Garmin let go of the window and slumped face-first onto the dashboard. I am not making that up.

In the end, I just drove around for half an hour on proper roads till I saw a sign that said Christmas Common.

I would be prepared to overlook this, but it has happened before.

When I was in the Cotswolds, I naively followed the Garmin's instructions and turned into a lane so narrow that I held my breath for the full four miles. If I had met something coming the other way I would still be there. For one and half of those miles I had to herd a flock of mysterious flightless birds (kind of a cross between chickens and pheasants - anyone know what they were? They didn't seem very intelligent.) There obviously had been a motor vehicle down this lane before, probably a fellow Garmin owner. I know this because I passed four birds that had been run over. Squashed, they looked like those comic rubber chickens.

It seems to me that the Garmin only chooses ridiculous routes when you have annoyed it by going your own way earlier in the route. Yesterday, for example, it wanted me to start out on Henley Road. Locals will know that you don't go down Henley Road to get to the Watlington area. No, you go down the Peppard Road.

So I did, and I was punished for it. I am claiming that the Garmin is capable of huffing and being sarky.

Saturday, 22 September 2012

Let's be careful out there (in living virus hell)

I planned to spend this week blogging wistfully and nostalgically about two major milestones that occurred on Wednesday this week.

The first is the sixth anniversary of We limp bravely on through the recession into our seventh year, now with 6 of us on board. I laugh and shake my head indulgently at my ever diminishing bank balance. I chuckle ruefully over the mistakes I have made. I think about how Mrs Stoddart and I cried when we first made contact through Skype with her daughter in Barbados. (Just thinking about it has started me off again)..

The second anniversary is the 21st birthday of my son Sam. The adorable little (6 foot 4) blokey has just gone to live in Japan where he is seriously out-blogging his sainted mother. You can read his blog at . Please investigate this nepotic link because it is funny, interesting and amazingly well-written.

Anyhoo -
I haven't been able to do any of this aforementioned wistful and nostalgic blogging because of the stream of Reading folk queuing up on my stairs. They are clutching their computers which have been recently infested by a new wave of viruses. These viruses have many different faces, but they all come from the same problem. They are Java Exploit viruses. They are horrendously tenacious and sneaky and the only remedy is extreme. Applying this extreme remedy is keeping me up very late at nights.

I wouldn't normally presume to give you advice, but today I make an exception.

Update your Java system.


Update your Java system.

I repeat:

Update your Java system.

If you don't know how to do this - I will try and post a guide on how to do it later today. Right now I have to take the dog out while the sun shines. In the mean time - please be careful out there.

Friday, 14 September 2012

Tiny Herbs (includes gardening and smashing things up)

Introducing my new Tiny herb garden. Garden design by Robin Wallis of Hortus Loci . Oh yes, only the best for me.

This garden features chives, wild rocket and black peppermint. We enjoyed eating some of the leaves in the workshop. I thought I'd better get on and plant them before they were completely denuded.

Observant fans will notice that the garden is inside an old monitor.

If, for some reason, you want to make your own obsolete monitors into plant pots here's how.

Don thick gloves. This is important. Smashed monitors have dangerous innards. Look closely at the picture and you will see a blood stain.

Lie the monitor on its' back. Drape something over the screen. You don't want shards of exploding glass in your eye, though actually they implode. Still. Drape something.
Hit it really hard. Don't tap and shriek. HIT IT!

Fish out the broken glass and interesting bits of metal. If you are lucky this part of the process will yield a shiny container to keep old letters in. Bonus!

Fill with your chosen growing medium and get a world class nursery to tell you what to plant in it. I'm hoping to get the famous garden designer and writer, my customer and fellow blogger to help me design the next monitor I smash. I refer of course to Clare Matthews.  

Clare, will you help?

Monday, 3 September 2012

County Bingo

County Bingo is sweeping the nation.
That is to say, Robin and I have invented this game. The object is to get a photo taken with every county sign in England.

For example:

It started as a competitive sport but when I got discouraged because Robin had so many more than me, he generously offered to make it a collaborative affair.

I can't see any reason why you shouldn't all join in.

I will make a proper web page about this as momentum builds. In the meantime, you need to know the counties that are still missing.

  1. It is really hard to get a definitive list of English counties. It is all much more debatable than you would imagine. This is the best that Wikipedia could offer, but I'm still not sure if we should include Bristol or London.
  2.  We still don't have Berkshire, even though a lot of us live there. That's suprisingly hard, though I have a sort of feeling there may be one in Sonning.
The Missing Counties

City of London
County Durham
East Riding of Yorkshire
Greater London
Greater Manchester
Isle of Wight
North Yorkshire
South Yorkshire
Tyne and Wear
West Midlands

Friday, 31 August 2012

The last game of Summer

Here at itsgonefunny we are ramping up for the Autumn push after a gloriously idle August. The opening hours sign is back on the door, Aza has taken the boards away for a repaint and we are wondering where the stapler went.

I and 9.5 million UK schoolchildren are making the most of the last days of the holidays by wasting time like crazy.

That screenshot on the right represents approximately 20 hours of my life. I consider this a small investment for such an amazing score.
It's taken from a game called Triple Town. You match 3 bits of grass and you get a bush. You match 3 bushes and you get a tree. And so on. There are also bears (not pictured, I turned them into grave stones - sorry but that's  progress).

You can download Triple Town for free. It's an Android app so you need the right kind of SmartPhone or tablet to play it.

In the free version, the number of moves you can make is limited. You initially get 1000 or so free moves, which is easily enough to get you completely hooked. After that, free moves arrive but you have to wait. Every now and then you are forced to get up from your seat and attempt some of the things on your to-do list. 

Or shall I just click the "Buy Unlimited Moves" button? It would be so easy....

Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Left to my own devices gets annoyingly Parisian in August. We lock the workshop doors and skive for the whole month.

Or so it seems. In actual fact, I'm just back from some field work. I loaded the campervan with electronics and drove it to the Cotswolds to see which technology was most useful in a field. I took Ted the dog with me  to help, Border Collies being one of the most intelligent breeds.

Normally I spend so much time sorting out other people's technology that I don't get to use it. This week, though, the whole adventure was masterminded with the help of various things that need plugging in.

I brought way too much stuff with me and some of it never got as much as a button press. Let's cut to the chase and list the top 3 bits of technology that helped me have a brilliant time.

No 1: Samsung Galaxy S111
It's one of them Android smart phones. Out here in space, nobody can see you blush, which is good because for years I have been curmudgeonly about smart phones. Why would anyone want to access the internet on a teeny tiny little thing like that?, I argued.

Then it hit me. You can access the internet on a teeny tiny little thing like that. You can Facebook about the  experience while actually falling off a cliff. You can Google where to buy obsolete camping gas near Cirencester. Then you can get a map to show you where it is. And then... you can phone them to ask if they're open.

What did I do in the old days? Drive around for days on end looking for signs saying "Obsolete camping gas sold here"? Umm - yep.

No 2: The Campervan Fridge
I've had my lovely 1988 Bambi campervan for nearly 6 months now. The one thing I've never understood is how to make the fridge go. I had a faint inkling that it involved the gas bottle, though this never really made sense to me. Gas making things colder, you what? On day one of the trip I decided to stop being such a baby and RTFM (read the F manual).
So I pulled the flame-viewing mirror out as instructed, twisted and held the grey dial and then switched the Piezo lighting unit to on. Click click click click whoomph then silence. Nothing showing in the aforementioned flame-viewing mirror. I did this 10 times then flounced off to do something more rewarding.
Later I noticed warm air wafting out the top of the fridge. I yanked open the door and there was all my food being chilled. Chilled I tell you! I am most pleased.

No 3: TwoNav App
One of my favourite things to do is to take Ted for a walk, preferably somewhere I've not been before and in  a pleasing circle. On holiday, this has normally meant buying several OS maps at £10 a pop. I love maps but they have their limitations. The main trouble is knowing which bit of the map you are on.
I downloaded the TwoNav app to my phone despite some very cutting reviews. It uses GPS and the internet to draw your trajectory on a proper map of the area. The map is not quite an OS map, but it's good - it has footpaths and trees and so forth. In practice the map starts off fuzzy and weird, then pings into clarity.
I used TwoNav for a 4 mile jaunt in the Forest of Dean. As you can see from the screenshot, you can tell not just where you are, but where you have been as well. As a bonus, you can see how far you've gone and it has a weird enthusiasm for describing your altitude - probably more important in the Himalayas than Gloucestershire.
Incidentally it was an amazing walk. I met two brothers who are digging a mine. For a moment I thought I was having a funny dream, but it's true, you can read about them here:

I have the free version of TwoNav, the paid version costs around £24. The software itself keeps urging me to upgrade as "most of the functions do not work in the free version". They have perhaps shot themselves in the foot there, as it seems to me that all the functions I want work just fine.

Truly amazed by my own devices! I originally had a list of 10 things to talk about, but I do appreciate that you have your own things to play with. So I will sign off here. thank you and good night.

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Hello, is it me you're looking for...

Yes its been a while, and quite a bit has happened since our last update!
Our Andy has left on his voyage of learning and discovery (or debauchery as university often becomes), we have two new and shiny members to the team: Dan & Myself, and of course many many lovely if slightly wonky Laptops and Desktops have been graced with our masterful touch.

Monday, 20 February 2012

Live feed!

Check out how we're getting on with fixing your computer (only operational during Opening Hours)

You will need this username: havealook - the password is blank

I'd be grateful if you'd let me know if it's working. Wildly experimental at the moment.

Click Here


Sunday, 5 February 2012

Thursday, 12 January 2012

News flash: Customers still make me laugh

The best thing about running a small business on a dark winter morning in the midst of economic gloom in the heart of Caversham is my customers. Somehow they are the most entertaining people in the world.

For example, I just dashed out to buy some milk (for the morning cereal rush) from Sadda over the road.

"Good morning, how are you?"
"Terrible. How are you?"
"Fighting off a broken leg, but basically OK"
(I put a 4-pinter on the counter)
"That will be £10.95 please"
(I give him a fiver)
"There's £14 exactly"
(He gives change)
"And there's your 36p change"

All of this delivered in a very dead-pan way. I can't say why this is funny but it made me chuckle all the way back to the basement.

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