Wednesday, 27 January 2016

Crash and Burn!

I'm really very grateful for your advice and yet I could not resist..



















Notes:
1. Due to my diabolical approach to paperwork in general and invoices in particular, It's Gone Funny has very nearly gone under. This is why I've been so hard to get hold of!

2. Bear with, I will turn it around.

Friday, 24 July 2015

Goodbye Old Website

Goodbye Old Website.
I made it myself in the white heat of the Summer of 2006.
Quaint and quirky, it was never quite finished you know. Try clicking on the links marked "Advice" and "Networks". Ha ha - too late! The Old Website is gone.

For the past 9 years it has been quietly aging and becoming increasingly embarassing to the point where I have to ask people to desist from looking at it.

Inaccuracies have crept in. I am no longer the sweet-faced muddly lady you see in the photo. She has been replaced by a razor-sharp professional who still loves computers and still loves people. She has recently her hair cut like Pink in an attempt to appear more feisty.

And, oh look!, there's little Andy.... Little Andy has grown into Big Andy, a confident charming man who knows eveything there is to know about computers, and doesn't show off about it.

Since my humble beginnings in 2006 I have been honoured to know the talented Craig Goult, the web designer to the discerning.  You can find him at swipedesign.co.uk Amusingly, he so busy making innovative websites that he hasn't had time to finish his own. Shoemaker's children always the worst shod, as my dear old mother would say.

After years of stubborn stinginess, I have decided to give Craig all my money to create a fantastic new website for me. He felt that my deadline of three days was a little on the short side, especially since I want a design that is difficult to implement.

We are both currently in a creative fervour so you won't have to wait long. In the meantime, we are building up suspense by offering you a holding page.

Lots of love
Your very own
Helen The Computer Lady




Sunday, 2 February 2014

My Kindles: A Pictorial History

Roll on Helen's 5th Kindle. Replaced free of charge by the lovely Amazon and their helpful, if somewhat humourless, customer service people.

Wednesday, 29 January 2014

Morning moan

May the little baby Jesus and all his chums forgive me for what I'm about to say.

I find my children (16-year-old  boy/girl twins)  really annoying in the morning.

For example, today

7:14 deep comfy sleep in which I am dreaming of achieving a 300% speed boost on a vintage Pentium computer
7:15 sleep shattered by a town-crier standing outside my bedroom and delivering a double whammy of the style so beloved of this family. In this case, 1. time to get up mum 2. oh hey my phone is still not working.

I throw a dressing gown on and stumble downstairs to face the challenge of a new day.

Specific challenges this morning include:

  • staring at John's phone and wildly promising to remove rain from the inside so that it will work
  • removing entitled texting girl from my special chair in the kitchen
  • filling in a long explanatory note in the one-inch square area provided in a Highdown planner
  • listening to a complicated description of the struggles to find a suitable venue for the Highdown prom
  • receiving a briefing on the ways in which I have recently failed in my parental duties
  • getting the milk out the fridge and finding that it now contains 0.5ml of milk
  • listening to explanation of why milk carton is to all intents and purposes empty. Explanation delivered with the skill of a professional lawyer and I am somehow forced to admit guilt.
  • Answering enquiries as to the location of various items, although I don't even know what some of these things are.
This section of the morning ends with a double hellish crash of the front door. But I still have the dog-staring to get through. This is when the dogs stand stock still and fix me with deep tragic unblinking stares. Ted the collie has always done this, it's a collie thing. Remarkably he has taught Pablo, the terrier-style thing, to do it too. In the end I break down weeping and give them some food. 

8:30. Downstairs for another's days computer fixing.

This moan goes out to all the parents and dog-owners who are attempting to perform some kind of job or life independent of their hangers-on.

One day, we'll get our revenge.

Monday, 27 January 2014

Customer of the month: Morningwood Ltd.



We fix the computers
That carry the emails
That organise the cranes
That lift huge lumps of concrete into the sky
And carefully lower them into position in Cranford House School's new Sports Hall.

I love going out on site for Morningwood Ltd. They are always building something amazing. A bunch of nice guys who wear luminous jackets, make diabolical coffee and throw a wobbler when their email goes down.

Thanks Dan, Adam, Mark and all the team!


Sunday, 10 November 2013

Red wine, computers and accidents

Pre-Festive Greetings from the itsgonefunny team!

Today I will be lecturing on the evils of drink. Specifically we will be looking at the equation:

lovely drinkies + computer = trouble


Now then, I know there is nothing sweeter than to curl up with a laptop, a glass of something nice balanced on the arm of your chair and do a little bit of shopping. 

Everything is super till the dog jumps up and the contents of your glass go over the keyboard.

I expect you will do as you please, but when it all goes wrong, please observe the following drill:

  • shutdown - turn the darn thing off and remove the charger. Your laptop may assist you in this by turning itself off
  • battery - remove it. If you don't know how, wake up the 3-year old to  show you. I know this seems cruel but this is an emergency
  • flip - open up the laptop as far as it will go and put it somewhere safe upside-down. Kind of like a tent shape
  • wait - be patient. We're talking 2 whole days. Take this opportunity to rediscover more antique occupations. Knitting, stamp collecting, watching TV - all fine
  • itsgonefunny - when you turn it on, everything will seem great except your keyboard won't work. Bring it down, we'll replace it. We may shake our heads at you and look slightly patronising, but don't be fooled - we've all done it.
DO NOT, DO NOT, I say again, DO NOT turn on the laptop and carry on surfing immediately after the spillage. The chances are, till your beverage dries out and the sugar becomes toffee, the laptop will work. Later on it will become a doorstop.

As the weather gets colder and Christmas mania kicks in, we see more and more of these sozzled laptops. The vast majority of these accidents seem to involve red wine, though recently I had one that had been fed Calvados. Why red wine though? Possible research direction there.

A keyboard replacement costs from £40 here, though some laptop keyboards are more expensive. We recently worked on a laptop whose keyboard cost £60. (And we charge £20 on top for fitting). Investigation showed that the reason was because it was a special spill-resistant keyboard. Many ironic eyebrows were raised that day, I can tell you.

I have only scraped the surface of the dangers of drinking and surfing, but that's enough nagging for one post. Meanwhile - if you have any stories to tell on the topic, send them to me at helen@itsgonefunny.com and I will publish them, anonymously or attributed, according to your desire.

Happy November!

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